Where do baby spiders… come from?– VTP, reading an informational books about spiders that he picked out. Thankfully, the answer was ‘eggs’
When girls really like stuff, they scream!
I’m not happy. It’s not like a magical unicorn will come!– VTP, responding to Mommy’s reassurances.
Mommy, we should get that for Daddy!!!– VTP, in response to a fake commercial for ‘The Fart Blocker’ underwear
woofwoofwoofwoof– VTP, who fell asleep in the car pretending to be a dog, barking in his sleep for several minutes after being tucked into bed at home
This chair is good for a naked person because it’s nice and soft and...– captain underpants
Mommy: Vincent, your new shoe laces look awesome!
VTP: I know! They have aglets.
VTP: knock knock
Daddy: who's there?
VTP: Interrupting Jorgan VonStrangle
Daddy: Interrupting Jor...
VTP (in Austrian accent): Timmy Turner!!
VTP: next time I'm in trouble, I want to go under my bed with a cup and just cry and cry and fill the cup with tears
Daddy: why? To make us feel bad?
Daddy: what would you do with a cup of tears?
VTP: drink it!
Daddy: why would you drink your tears?
Mommy (under her breath to Daddy): to make him strong!
VTP: because I've tasted them, before, and they're so delicious! You should try them.
Why didn’t you just crawl into the hole and cry?– After hearing a cautionary tale about the dangers of kicking things, wherein Daddy kicked a hole in the wall as a child and was very upset about it.
Wow, Mommy, your face smells really fantastic, today!
VTP: Mommy, what did the cyclops say to the other cyclops?
Mommy: I've got my eye on you?
VTP: no. My name begins with an I! Get it?
VTP: George Washington was the first president.
Mommy: that's right
VTP: how did he die?
Mommy: he was sick and the doctors didn't know the right way to fix it.
VTP: how did the 2nd president die?
Mommy: from being very very old.
VTP: how did the third president die?
Mommy: I think from being old. Most of the presidents have died from being old.
VTP: the 16th president got shot at the theater because a crazy guy thought he was doing the wrong things.
Can I please listen to Ball of Confusion, again?!?!– VTP, quite pleadingly
Mommy, is she NAKED in there?!?– VTP, asking about his sister.
VTP: are we there, yet??
Daddy: yeah, MomMom lives in the middle of the road!
After seeing a commercial for the movie '42'
VTP: what's that about?
Mommy: *tells story of Jackie Robinson and explains Jackie Robinson Day at the ballpark*
VTP: I want to go!
Mommy: it's a hard day to get tickets, but if we can get tickets, we will try to go
VTP: and we can dress up like Jackie Robinson!
Mommy: all of the players wear his number that day, and we can, too
VTP: and I can paint my skin brown!
Mommy: ..... Ummmm... Ok, so that's a really cool idea to want to look just like him, but that is something the mean people would do to make fun of people with brown skin, so we don't do that because we don't want anyone to think that we are making fun of Jackie Robinson or anyone else.
VTP: ... those people really ruined things.
Here’s my plan… (chucks a throwing star made out of k’nex at...– VTP, as The Onceler
VTP: oh Mommy, your belly is getting bigger than a jelly bean
Mommy: a jelly bean!?! It's been bigger than that for a while!
VTP: oh... I meant the TV. You're bigger than the TV.
I felt the baby in there! She’s trying to get out. I bet she’s...– VTP, resting his head on Mommy’s belly.